Ouch

OUCH, OUCH, OUCH, OUCH, OUCH. Took the pride test in Character Makeover. Again I say, OUCH, OUCH, OUCH, OUCH, OUCH!

Changes

Last week, I was ministering to a friend at church. One of her children is very hateful to her and uses Facebook as one of her tools to spread lies. Are they lies? Yes. I mean, if you are going to spread the lie that your mother stood you in the front yard and set fire to your legs, at least have the scars to prove it.

Sorry for the slight bunny trail. Anyway, as I was sharing how all I could see when I looked at mom was betrayal and that I wanted her to suffer, she made the comment that maybe that is how her daughter saw her. It was in that moment that God showed me how my anger at the daughter and her treatment of her mother was a mirror of me and how I treated mom.

I can't say everything is super at my house but for the first time since mom moved in, I did not dread going home.

God continues to work.

Good changes

Not sure what is going on with Waylon and Kristina but she did not leave. PRAISE GOD! and thank you for your prayers.

God enabled me to have a really good conversation with my mom. Things are soooo much better. Tension is out of the house. I am praying it stays away.

Had a great time with Julie on Saturday. Got a few treasures in Fredericksburg but next time, we need to take old Blue and make the meat market a planned stop early in our treasure hunt. They make a really good 3 meat, 2 cheese sub sandwich. They were completely out of sandwiches at noon when we got there. We had a hard time finding a place to eat. Even the Sonic was completely full when we drove through.

Tonight we start the Bible study, Character Makeover. I am so looking forward to it. I have a few more small things to do to be ready. I am leading this study and it would not look good if I was not prepared.

We splurged and got Directv. I love the Hallmark Channel. Too bad we do no get the Hallmark movie channel too but I am one content puppy! You are laughing at me saying puppy, aren't you? Alright, I am one content old dog!!

Kristina wants a divorce

Kristina is leaving Sunday for Abilene and taking Roo with her. She says she wants a divorce. Not sure if she will follow through. My heart hurts.

There is so much confusion, not sure who is telling the truth. Waylon says there is no drugs, Kristina says there is.

Kristina says she will bring Devon down every other weekend to spend with Waylon until Waylon gets a car. Waylon works 9AM - 10:30 PM on Saturday and Sunday. When is he supposed to spend time with Roo? Roo will be sleeping.

Lord, HEEEEEEEEEEELP!!! Not sure what to pray anymore just know I can't quit kneeling at the foot of the cross!

Kitchens and chapels

Throughout history, kitchens have been the chapels where women gather to soothe and fortify one another - chapels with colored wallpaper instead of stained-glass windows. The kitchen table, sticky with rings of juice from breakfast, is an altar of prayer. The soulful hum of the refrigerator replaces the choir.

~Patti Hill~ from her book, "Like a Watered Garden"

Betrayal

It is so hard for me with mom. When I see her, I see her betrayal. I just can't seem to find the key that opens the door to forgiveness and then, when I walk through that door, it automatically locks so I can't return to the land of unforgiveness. Meanness is all that seems to come out of me towards her. I am a prisoner of my own making and no matter how much I pray, I find myself still hating her. God forgive me.

This morning, as I was praying for Waylon and his ever worsening situation, I wondered if he feels I betrayed him? In some ways yes, I have. I have asked his forgiveness and although he says he has forgiven me, his actions indicate otherwise. I know mom wants to be released from her past failings with me, just like I do with Waylon.

Mom despised her mom, I hate mom and my son tolerates me. In the name of Jesus and by His blood, I pray this generational curse be broken.

God help me!

Waylon's quilt

Yesterday was an absolutely perfect day. Waylon came over with Roo. Kristina had to work but Waylon took her a plate of food during her lunch break. JT and his son, Justin (Roo's 13th month old cousin) also came for the day. I sat up a small pool in the backyard. The boys were so worn out that they both took naps before lunch. Yeah, it was a shocker but Roo slept about 25 minutes.

We had steak and ribs for lunch then watched The Blind Side and Front of the Class, both great movies.

What really made my day was when Waylon and JT arrived. JT sat down in the chair and noticed a rag quilt on the ottoman. It was my first attempt at a rag quilt. I had made it for Waylon when he lived in Minnesota. This quilt was a lap quilt. Waylon asked for a larger one so he could wrap up like a burrito in it. Waylon gave the first quilt back to me when he got his larger one. JT commented how he loved the rag quilt at Waylon's house (2nd quilt). JT said he felt so peaceful and comforted when he had that quilt on (even in the summer). Waylon then commented how everyone fights for that quilt when they come to the house, that everyone just loves it.

The quilt is made out of old flannel shirts and we all know how comfortable those shirts can be. But what makes this quilt special, is on the batting of every square is a scripture that has been prayed over Waylon. When I told Waylon about the scriptures, his eyes bugged out and said, no wonder everyone loves that quilt.

Waylon says he needs another quilt and this mom is more than happy to oblige.

Waylon also told me he wants to start counseling and spent some time looking for counselors yesterday while at the house.

Pray he follows through.