After reading Tania's blog, I am amazed at how much our lives parallel each other at this given time. I am talking about the losses and changes.
At the time my mom came to live with me, it seemed like everything else changed also. All my friends lives took on new directions also. We no longer had our Saturday garage saling times, our periodic lunches or potlucks etc etc etc. It was like I had no life other than to be stuck in the house with my mother and personally, I did not want her here. God also moved me to a church, a Baptist church at that and I was miserable. It was one of those old, dead in water, legalistic churches I vowed never to be a part of again, yet God called me to it.
I have grieved the losses BUT I am also seeing the good in the changes. God has opened the door for me to minister to two women who are both fairly new at being single, one through death, one through divorce. Both are in worse financial shape than me, one finally has a car, the other is praying for one. Laura, the widow, got a car at the end of last year and is now working part time and helping take of her very sick grandson (8 years old, had cancer, has to have kidney dialysis 3 times a week, etc ) so she has no social life. Debbie has been single for 3 years, only gets child support and would love a job but has no car or money to get one. Her house needs a lot of repair. She also has had 35 facial surgeries which has left her with severe migraines and as she will tell you, she knows she is not the prettiest woman on the block. No one wants her in a position to greet people.
Both women need to be shown love and acceptance and I am grateful God is using me. Had I still had my old life,I would not have made the time for these 2 ladies and both of them are treasures.
As a Christian, I realize that changes are inevitable as God has places He wants to use me. I miss getting to spend as much time with my friends and I REALLY MISS my freedom but my life belongs to God and He has places for me to go and people for me to see.
I firmly believe the saying, people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. If my hand is hanging on so tightly to the someone that God brought into my life for a season, then my hand is not open to receive the new people HE has for me.
I am not crazy about change. I want to be joyous about the journey God has me on at this time but honestly, I am just not there yet. The changes of the last 2 years have been painful. I have felt more isolated and alone than I have in quite some time. I pushed God away because truthfully, I feel like HE hates me or is punishing me.
GOD is in control or least He wants to be.
